US Atrocities In June (pt1)

“This writing is a mea culpa, an admittance of guilt. It is the repentance that making amends demands. I AM guilty of the evil I have committed and in which I’ve participated.”

Rubicon & Griobhtha

“Sweet Madame Blue, gaze at your looking glass, you not a child anymore.”

And the nighthawk flies, and the owl cries, as we're driving down the road
The full moon reveals, all the houses and fields, where good people do what they're told
Victor Jara he lies with coins in his eyes
There's no one around him to mourn.
Who needs a poet who won't take commands,
Who'd rather make Love than war?

It's a long way from the heartland, to Santiago Bay
Where the good doctor lies
With blood in his eyes
And the bullets read U.S. of A.

-- Allende, Christy Moore

This first part contains two chapters. The first (which was actually my second mission), Cache Out 1, doesn’t involve killing, but it’s included here because it indicates my failure to be a smarter person, a wiser person, a person with discernment. Without it you may not understand what the book makes perfectly clear — the naivete of young men joining the military and being duped into killing, being specifically trained to subvert their own conscience. The second section is Ambush 1 and details what was a killing atrocity in the same month.

There are 18 missions in all, 17 of which involved death. Part 2 (in ~10 days) will be a mission from June 1981, and the full magnitude of US atrocity will be more clear, and the evolution of my thoughts will be more clear. These are related to Memorial Day, and they are detailed prefaces of what will be discussed in the chapter 4 July (to be published on Substack just before that day). But I urge you to read the book and discover what the US has been guilty of for its entire existence. You have a chance to save yourselves, your sons, your grandsons, your brothers, your lovers, your friends.

There is no pride for me in any of this, only pain. I’ve said repeatedly that I AM guilty. “This writing is a mea culpa, an admittance of guilt. It is the repentance that making amends demands. I AM guilty of the evil I have committed and in which I’ve participated.” (X Rubicon, Rubicon’s Statement)

There are those who will withdraw into twaddling precocious self-righteousness reading these. They mistakenly think that just because they never joined the military, or they are now or always have been, a so-called pacifist, or they are armchair “warriors”, or have “served” within the military, or are non-combat pretenders, etc… they are somehow superior to the millions of men who have gone into combat. You need to disabuse yourself of these ignorant thoughts now. Depending on where you were born, your parents, your relatives, your upbringing, your education, your environment, your indoctrinations, your applied propagandas, your purchased lies, your economic desperations, and more, THIS COULD HAVE BEEN YOU.

You need to be present and aware, especially when our presidents and vice-presidents are egregious virgins talking about sex, ready to sacrifice youth to war for their own gain.

I invite you, the reader, not to get trapped in the intensity and overwhelming nature of this narrative. If you get snared in personal shock, judgments, and opinions, you will miss the truth of the message which ultimately can bring about understanding, and radical change. This writing has the potential to shake you to your core and inspire you to open your heart and find compassion. Please allow it to touch you deeply and do its healing work. We are all in this together. You WILL be shocked. This experience is extremely shocking. Some of you will be shocked, because you won’t want to believe such evil demands were placed on a young man at the tender age of 18 years and that he did such evil deeds in the name of “freedom and liberty”. And you won’t want to even entertain the notion that this is not just one veteran’s story. There are thousands of stories akin to this one. (Julie in X Rubicon: Foreward, Or The Vanguard)

Cache Out 1

#2 – June 1980

Guatemala. A country torn by civil war. Corporatists with US backing and military personnel trained by US forces and the School of the Americas (SOA). I was going into a country of which I was ignorant – of political and social forces. “You don’t know what you don’t know.” But I know now. Indigenous people were being executed if they failed in any way to accept and endorse the European/US capitalist agenda. That agenda often included theft of land, murder, mayhem, rape, and torture (all by the government and government forces in league with, and with the blessing of, the US). Whole villages were wiped out because they had socialist leanings (they wanted to keep their land and property and not be forced to hand everything over to oligarchs growing the system. (I know! The nerve!). Why did the US have to do the dirty work for the Guatemalan (Salvadoran, Colombian, Honduran, Panamanian, Mexican…) “super duper supermen”, when we had trained them how to butcher? Perhaps, because they didn’t have C-130 gunships, but yet, they had great pals in the CIA who could order up gunships for them to be “Any Time, Any Place”.

This was chosen as my first solo assignment in my new area of production, Central and South America. I had one other Scout program field mate. He was, I believe, sent to locations in Africa. We had a new 2^nd Lieutenant now, Lt Weasel. He looked something like Don Knotts, but had the disposition of a little terrier – always barking and finding fault. The Lt had them assign something without opposition (?) so he could evaluate me and my training from Bill. He had read the reports from Eagle Claw and the training reports, but of course, he knew best. The Lt had no experience other than being a pain in the ass. He had never been in the field, never fired a weapon outside of Officer basic (where he fired at still targets). He had no combat experience whatsoever.

Guatemalan rebels had a hidden weapons and explosives cache. They knew the general area of the cache, but not an exact location. Finding and destroying this cache would be relatively simple, and I could have sabotaged it within a very short time and been extracted. But the Lt demanded that I only be sent in to mark the targets, and then the gunship would come in and destroy them. This was both unnecessary and extra risk. Bill tried to dissuade him, but he wouldn’t listen, and I kept my mouth shut to please the new Lt (and because Bill told me to keep it shut).

In order to get to this cache, I had to start from government controlled territory and move directly through a swamp ~2km before it dried up. I say dried up, but we’re only talking about the ground, and relatively. It kept raining that day non-stop. It was miserable, hotter than fuck, and when I got past the swamp, I had to pull leeches from my clothing and skin. A few kilometers past the swamp I found the buried caches. It would have been so easy to just places charges and go, but I dutifully placed markers instead, intent on pleasing Bill and, fuck-me, even Lt Weasel.

I sooooo wished I could blow up those caches, but, having placed all the markers, I had to go back through the swamp, and stop upon exit to remove more leeches. I was picked up by a Guatemalan military vehicle. They drove me to the airfield, and after changing clothing and boots, I climbed on the gunship (69-6575 – soon to be Wicked Wanda) and we headed for the cache. After speaking with the pilot, I sat in the booth with the EWO (Electronic Warfare Officer) and his team. They located the beacons and began circling at 20,000 feet. The EWO saw the close patterns and turned to me with a smart-ass tone and said, “You couldn’t destroy that yourself? Lucky you got us to do your work.”

Having marked the positions on screen, they led with 40mm shots on each marked location, then the 105mm howitzer dead center, immediately followed by twin 20mm bursts. It was over in minutes; fires raged in craters below. We returned immediately to Hurlburt, and with the propellers beating the air, I slept the whole way on the cargo ramp floor seats.

Now we get to the worst parts of this mission. No, it wasn’t the leeches, mosquitoes, fear of poisonous snakes, waterlogged feet, etc… It was debriefing with Lt Weasel. Upon rolling onto the field debriefing occurred, for the pilot and crew, and then for me. Upon entering the building the pilot was coming down the hall and stopped me. He said, “Look, I know you’re new. But I thought you were supposed to take out a target if you could…”, and he halted because he could see me getting angry. He said, “Talk to me”. I told him about this being the Lt’s plan, and I was ordered to only place the markers. He just said, “OK thanks.. don’t worry about it” and he patted me on the shoulder and walked out.

Now I had to debrief with Lt Weasel and I was already pissed. Bill knew what was going to happen and told me, “Whatever he says, no matter how wrong, just say yessir.” The Lt read what I had written for my report, then he turned to me with his lying eyes and high-pitched squeaky voice, “The pilot tells me you should have destroyed those caches yourself. We just can’t have you going around making these decisions on your own. Why didn’t you just destroy them?” Bill looked at me and shook his head no, but I just couldn’t let Lt Weasel walk on that. So I told him, “You are so right sir! I should have followed your orders to a T.” Bill smiled but the Lt just looked at me dumbfounded for about 30 seconds, stood up, said, “Well, OK”, and he walked out. I knew this relationship was not going to go well.

~

…you have NO right to be spared these details or uncomfortable feelings, because you are responsible. I had to grow from a boy into “only a man”; now you must grow into a man or woman with a conscience (no matter your age).

X Rubicon - Preface

Ambush 1

#3 – June 1980

When last we left our intrepid Scout… I was having my first disagreement with Lt Weasel. I had told the gunship pilot about who planned the former mission, as there was disappointment over my not having just destroyed an unguarded cache while there. As it turned out, after explaining to the pilot, he returned to tell his Squadron Commander, who in turn informed the Group Commander, who in turn informed the Wing Commander. The Wing Commander was not pleased with inexperienced or untrained personnel planning missions.

The Wing Commander, while not having official command of the Scout Program, called the Scout Program Commander, Major Ian Fleming, and read him the riot act. This phone call was relayed back to the Group Commander, then to the Squadron Commander, to the pilot, and back to me. The result was a communique directly from Major Fleming to me, and copied to Lt Weasel. It stated flatly that I was to plan my own missions without interference, utilizing the gunships when necessary (after all, they were very expensive pieces of equipment with large crews). The Lieutenant was NOT happy, but he had no idea how the chain of command learned of his ineptitude, so while he began to hate me, he didn’t directly attack me. Bill, my trainer and mentor, was very pleased with this turn of events, as was I.

Thus began my first planned ambush of a weapons convoy in El Salvador. This action was ultimately ordered by the CIA. They have certain rules of engagement: 1) Don’t get caught, and if you do, you better find a way out of it and destroy all evidence of US involvement; 2) When they say they want everyone dead, they want everyone dead; 3) No evidence of US involvement is to be left behind; 4) All deaths are sanctioned as long as the Agenda is not altered and the other rules are obeyed.

These convoy ambushes would take on a routine of their own: Study the photographs, satellite imagery, and terrain maps. From these, intelligence regarding the route, the number of vehicles, and the weather forecast it was fairly easy to choose the proper place for an ambush. Once the plan was set and briefed, I would fly into the country the day before on an MC-130-E Combat Talon. From this point weapons and explosives would be supplied by the CIA or other intelligence agency, and I would be dropped or flown by helicopter to a drop zone in order to set the trap. This particular convoy consisted of ~50 vehicles, mostly heavy trucks, a few jeeps and 4wd trucks with bolt on machine guns, and several hundred personnel mostly riding in the trucks with the weapons. The weapons consisted of M16s, AK47s, machine guns, and a few low-tech shoulder fired rockets. There was also enough ammunition to fight a major conflict.

This particular route led through an open area, but the terrain would allow some attempts at escape. Blowing and blocking the road would be easy enough at each end and along the middle, but the gunships would need to be coordinated differently – there would need to be three of them, and they would have to fly a constant equidistant oblong pattern to make sure both sides of the convoy would always be hit simultaneously. The third gunship would concentrate on the heavy trucks. In the early evening a helicopter dropped me in the clearing. I immediately set about placing road charges. One of these charges was placed on a wide path that a small truck could drive down into a lower area. This low area is where I made my blind, yet it wasn’t so low that I couldn’t see most of the road clearly.

~0230 the convoy entered the trap and the road charges were set off. The gunships began firing 20mm rounds almost non-stop, and the third gunship was firing 40mm and 105mm rounds almost non-stop. I was firing from my position when one of the 4wd trucks made it through the crater on the path leading down to my position. They saw my flash and began firing bursts all around me. I fired and killed the driver and passenger, but the gunner kept firing. I couldn’t stay exposed like this as rounds were whizzing past me side to side and above, so I called up to the gunships to ask for help. 69-6575 returned my request with a burst of 20mm and the truck exploded. I thanked them profusely, and I became very attached to this plane. I know it was the pilot and EWO, but I couldn’t help loving that plane. It became my favorite.

In ~30 minutes all the trucks were on fire and there appeared to be no movement of personnel. Clean Up (CIA euphemism) was fairly easy for me on this one. There were a few hiders that attempted to kill me, but it just worked out in my favor. Incendiary grenades were tossed in trucks that still had intact cargo. I took my pictures and retrieved my gear and the helicopter picked me up.

Upon returning to Hurlburt, I was congratulated on a successful plan, by the Wing Commander, the Group Commander, the Squadron Commander, the pilots, and Bill. In debriefing the Lt lived up to his name and criticized everything about the plan. It was obvious at this point that we would never have a close relationship.

At that time it felt good to be congratulated. There was pride in developing and executing such a plan. But I had never seen so many dead bodies, nor had I seen such destruction and gore, and the amount of blood was beyond imagination. The missing legs, arms, heads, and holes the size of softballs to basketballs sticks hard in your brain. The amount of human blood that attaches itself to you while creeping your way through a dead convoy is astounding, and the smell permeates your nostrils, throat, and the inside of your mouth. I’m not against the use of force when necessary, but this really didn’t seem necessary; and the slaughter is beyond the pale. When I think about this now, it just makes me cry. I was all of 18 at the time and was already responsible for killing many people directly, and being an accessory to the slaughter of hundreds – all in a single night. At the time I was so indifferent to the slaughter, blocking negative thoughts, just steeling my emotions as I was taught, because I thought I was doing the right thing. Now, knowing what I know about the conflict, I’m filled with regret and shame. The images of the event haunt my dreams and fill me with sadness. I wouldn’t realize until much later that, conscious of the act or not, each life taken also took part of my connection with humanity, the dead would visit regularly, and would one day bring my mind to the point of total destruction.

*****

Allende - Christy Moore - Live At Vicar Street

X Rubicon with Arthur McBride - Spailpin (spail-peen)

**********

Rubicon spent just under three years as a military Scout. During that time he was awarded the “AF Cross, 2 Silver Stars, 4 Bronze Stars, Defense Superior Service Medal, AF Good Conduct Medal, and the CIA Distinguished Service Medal” (ODNI). When he refused to kill further, he was stripped of these awards and was abandoned with his PTSD by the military and thrown away.

Sean Griobhtha (gree-O-tah) is a combat veteran. His latest book is X Rubicon: Crossing Life, Sex, Love, & Killing in CIA Proxy Wars: An indictment of US Citizens: ignorantia non excusat, which details the life of Rubicon (“2.5 years Deception & Death; 40+ years locking away Emotions & Truth”). It’s important that you read the Foreward, Or, The Vanguard; written by a highly intelligent woman with a heart of empathetic gold; she’ll bring you in gently, which neither Rubicon nor I would ever do.

Mrs Rubicon has been tutoring dyslexics and non-dyslexics in reading and writing for over three decades. She has a Bachelor’s degree in Interdisciplinary Humanities, and a Master’s degree in Pastoral Care and Psychology. She completed Pastoral Care training at the University of Chicago Hospital; and she has worked with various court systems in turning children around. She has volunteered in school sponsored reading programs where we’ve again witnessed her skill in improving even the most recalcitrant students. She holds teaching certification in Orton-Gillingham tutoring from the Michigan Dyslexia Institute.

If you enjoyed this writing, you can tell Crossing Rubicons that their writing is valuable by purchasing X Rubicon from Amazon, Ingram, Barnes & Noble, Bookshop.org, your local independent book seller, or your favorite digital store. View about the author, the book, and abridged translations here. If you would like to understand the effort and trouble that went into publishing this book, read X Rubicon: Author Statement.